How did they keep beer cold in the Saloons of the Old West?
So nobody really questioned why or how beer was sometimes cool or cold and then warm, it was sorta a win or lose situation they’re was only luck and sometimes knowledge of the right place to go. Eventually some boy by the name of Carl Rachids, decided that warm beer was piousness to the body and it kills your organs! Well when word struck out about this accusation nobody knew who was right so they gave Carl the benefit of the doubt and declared that they only water cold beer. Some time passes and salons are trying to figure out each other secrets to keeping their beer fresher than their competitors. One day when I was about the age 18, my father told me to sneak into a famous “cool bear” salon in order to discover they’re secrets. The salons name was The Rusty Ink Salon, most popular salon in the west or at least the only one that won our towns vote. My father had his own salon in town although didn’t know their secrets to the “cool beer” and he tried almost everything he could’ve thought of. Big bucket of cold water, using cold bears to make other bears cold, shove theme in the ground. Once his head went blank he resulted to thievery, so he told me to go out to Rusty’s and sneak behind the counter to find any clues on how they kept their brews cold. I made it to the salon by noon and walked into the bar casually. “Hey Kid!” a man sitting at a table with a slim dark and long hat covering his face. “We bot kno- whay yo doin here” he said scurrilous. The man handed me what I thought was a finnimbrun but it was an old rusty skeleton key with a corner on the handle chipped off. He pointed towards a door behind the counter and said lamprophushly “GooOOO!”. He gave me a shove and I was on my way. They bartenders were at licence while I snuck past them to the skeleton hole key door in the back. The skeleton key was shoved into the old door and turned, jammed. I wiggled it furiously as a bartender noticed ruckus behind him and decided to investigate. I rip the key out of the wall and a chunk of wood falls off the door. The bartender said “Heyyyy, What- Yo- Doiin kid?” perfidiously. The key turned and I pulled the door toward me and it hit the man in the temple and he fell to the ground. I quickly closed the door behind me. My plan for the rest of the story was to have him find out some secret process but the only person that knows how to use it was the man that was hit in the head, and in the end you find out he has been telling this story the sheriffs the whole time who were threatening to hang him.
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Barns are red because a dude named Jared thought it was funny to comment on a YouTube video's "first" or "anyone watching this is 2018?". and was hunted down by the mafia for 24+ years of his midlife crisis years. He eventually ended up in an old farm living in a old barn. The barn was white as tropical sand and its where he spent most of his elderly years. One day he found a job offer on craigslist on a company who sells dog food, he decided to give it a try and it ended up being the mafia. That's when he realized he needs to change his identity, but he liked his named and the way he looked and couldn't afford to move. But he had a life time supply of red paint from selling counterfeit apples. He decided to paint his barn red so the mafia would go to the barn next door which happened to be white as well. He then was safe for the rest of his life. Until the government caught him for tax fraud they were like "that's a nice barn, let make one of our own.." and the red barn trend originated.
Why did pirates bother making prisoners or enemies "walk the plank" instead of just chucking them overboard?
When your stuck on a ship for weeks with nothing to do you start to get bored. How do you make things entertaining? Lets make things more fun than traditionally. But when your stuck on a floating wooden boat, what can you exactly make entertaining. With enough Lamprophony in the ship life and youll be able to change anything. Heres an idea, lets make people walk a long unstable plank and fall into a infested sea, sounds entertaining right? while the prisoners walking the unstable wooden hockey stick trying to inaniloquous we can close them in using our swords and weird weapons we made in our spare time. Sounds fun lets do it, So pirates than proceeded to try they're new fun idea in muiltiple situations and... they seemed to enjoy it. After a few days other crews started to copy their idea after passing by they're idle ship and watching a man jump off a wooden stick awkwardly poking out of the side of the boat. Other pirates decided man, we have been doing it all wrong guys we couldve been having so much more fun. So then the new pirate generation was exposed to this new tradition created by the one and only apathetic pirates. |
AuthorColin Vail Archives
November 2018
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